Illness can bring you down to your knees like anything. Still recovering from a week long round of puking, fever, motions and cramps. My liver feels like jelly, and naturally, whatever was transpiring along with that bout of illness has been unpleasant, scary and stressful. I seriously went through a purge of emotions while puking my guts out and staying awake in delirium during the wee hours of the night. My numbness is upsetting to people around me…..i cant help it…..
April 28, 2009
April 10, 2009
Move on… Where?
People always tell you to do that. Move on from that job, move on from that experience or this one, move on from that friendship, move on from that relationship…..move on where, to what? That is always the question…..but they don’t know that themselves – I figure. I guess there is no where to go…I guess it’s the journey that matters……the movement, the destination…even if I would arrive there, I would not know if I have really reached, if I have really arrived. And everything and everyone I have encountered were mere check posts…… the waking mind contemplates all that in la la land…my existence and conscience a wakening from slumber or a slumber in wakening? No idea… some times I feel that my conscience would go on living even when I am gone, in some other person’s mind….in some nook and cranny of the universe as an echo…as star dust…we are all star dust, I believe…..
Now back in tanzi land, glimpses from my mortal life:
• The giant aloe vera plant has been salvaged but it doesn’t look as green as before.
• The pregnant cat didn’t like the birthing options I provide her so finally gave birth to 3 alive and 1 still born kitten in the pots of another billi lover.
• I spotted an antique two seater at a used furniture shed. It was intact but worn and faded. After a wait of two weeks and the labor and toil of two craftsmen, it stands today in my living room….part of the vision I had in my mind of what this part of home should look like…..I also envision myself sitting there and contemplating more
• And so I played model to an aunt in her makeup class; she needed a face, I wanted to pamper my vanity….. it was fun……bride na sahee, bridal makeup he sahee……
