The Animal Farm

There are a lot of things I can talk about today, my emotional breakdown last week (the general V-day related annoyance), the physical pain due to root canal, pain in knee joints, severe hair loss. I tried having hope and faith; some times I succeeded, other times I failed miserably. We can also talk about the tons of self-help books I am currently reading and trying to change my philosophies and thinking patterns and practices. But let’s not talk about that, as there is a point when they stop making sense, and that comes soon.   So what else can I talk about today, which doesn’t sound like a worry or whining today? Animals……domestic animals and pets, they have something about them that is so peaceful and reassuring – be it those 15 stray cats who are ready to greet me once I enter the neighborhood at the end of the day, or those 3 kitties roaming in the lawn at the work place. I give none of them food, yet they are always after me. I merely talk with them and stroke them (if they allow). It is such a stress-buster activity. Then there was my friend’s puppy muffin, whom I became acquainted to during my vacations. Sure enough – he drooled all over me, licked , dragged and pushed me all around the house, chewed up my new chappals, tore my dupattas, chewed most of things at buddy’s home, used to run away with my specs, my books, the potatoes and onions, the remote controls, and would have loved to have us chase him around the dinning table in circles for retriving our items. But when he used to climb in the backseat to rest his head on lap or jump on me to greet me, tickled and licked my toes with his smelly smelly doggie mouth, lick my face when i was least suspecting, and look at me through those brown brown eyes; it felt amazing. I let go of my repulsion and fear of dogs, at least for this one. Now there is this pair of pigeons forcibly residing in our gallery. When we saw them gathering straws and twigs, we tried to shoo them away. They were determines nevertheless. What amazed me that the she-pigeon laid her eggs near our screen door, visibly, she just wasn’t scared or intimidated by us. Now the eggs have hatched, and there are two straw colored pigeon-let chicks that have hatched out of em. So it’s a good thing to be liked, trusted and adorned by animals, if not humans. Humans sometimes put me off…….they are cruel, crude, callous, ungrateful and forgetful of what others have done for them……..  But let’s not talk about it.  

Note: Muffin, by the way, has found a regular playmate, a she-pup call Caramel. And according to my buddy, “Muffin is now Acha acha, come by again, he won’t try to smother you with puppy love.”

            

      Muffin                                                     Caramel  (they r in lurve)

I’m feelin’ like a Monday but someday I’ll be Saturday night – Bon Jovi

 ‘I would be productive tomorrow, I ll be positive and I will be strong,’ I went to bed with this resolve last night (and every night, yet when I woke up today, I had a monster of a headache pounding in my nerves and the reoccurrence of flu. With my arms clasped tightly around my own body, I wondered what I was dreaming last night….nothing pleasant or significant …just anxious and restless. That’s how I have been throughout the week. Though I am trying very hard to achieve a degree of peace and contentment through meditating and carrying out those inner monologues, yet the best of our efforts fail at times. Hence, I was just trying to recover from all that grilling I was subjected to last week by old friends and boss, and I was trying that it shouldn’t bother me that much, but I guess with that flu and that root canal and the unlikely cold wave, I was bogged down more by failure, by the mindless inactivity of perched in front of the tv, wrapped up in a blanket, flipping through those 100 odd channels. The solitary Saturdays are spent in the same manners, friends and activity partners are long gone, there aren’t much avenues for solitary entertainment. And I don’t feel like shopping or braving the traffic. It’s crazy how I anticipate the weekend – the Saturday all week, pounding through the routine and deadlines, but when its finally there, I am clueless how to make the most of it, though I try my best by packing in movies, cooking and reading…yet it seems dismal and pointless at times, the effort that is. And then Monday arrives….with its grey lining…arghh….we divide and demarcate time through days, months and years, yet we are caught in its web. Our routines begging to over power us, as our internal clocks fail to function according to these demarcations, and hence, we end up carrying our hangovers from work back to home and from home right back to work. I try to follow through my resolutions, so at least my life would have some sanity and the confusions and quigmires of my thoughts may not taint and seize up my life, so that at least i can claim that i try to lead a productive life, despite my numerous feigned, alleged and percieved shortcomings….. 

Workplace Woes, Meetups, Mr. Right & Mr. Wrong

Anyhooo….right now it seems that the only thing pouring out of the sky seems to be back breaking amount of work. Promises of some better thing at the work front….etc. who knows… who has seen tomorrow, and if whatever is there, is supposed to be good? When the winds of change blow, one is often knocked down and about, they carry you forward but often dragging us by our heels. Sigh! You think you are settled in, and then life throws you a curve ball, your career throws you a curveball. One minute you are doing well, working hard, and recommended for a promotion, and then next, the whole workplace infrastructure turns into an inferno (not metaphorically speaking but in reality). And you are left jobless. Or one fine day, the HR calls you and tells you to clear out your desk by next month (we don’t have any work for you anymore, the project has ended; it was a pleasant 7 year association – muhawww – stay in touch). None of this happen to me, but it happened to some people close to me, and for once mulling over my own job troubles felt like cribbing. My reality check! Touché. God has always been amazing that way to me, always giving me “in your face sucker” lessons.  

Whatelse…..so while I was at it…the gastronomical orgy…I dragged my pal for an Amreeeeecan steak at a joint as a  spur of the moment decision…..the steak was ok. But watching two pairs of love birds was priceless; one middle-aged boss with a female subordinate, the other pair meeting as prospective life partners, under the eyes of chattering mothers and sister in laws. The first couple; the girl trying hard to please the boss, looking desperate for attention, maybe affection, maybe promotion. We tried not to judge, afterall who knows, it could be us someday. The first pair reminded me of Sting’s psycadelic song Stolen Car ( I am trying to get my hand on the latest remixed version). The boss was fairly old, whereas she was about our age…a pair of two independent women, world class losers, and world forsaken, digging in our steaks. One wondering: “Did he ever love me?” The other: “Those friggin bastards, rot in hell! Can I squeeze in some chocolate shake on this menu?” (both are useless thoughts, yet we ll continue torturing ourselves with them, cuz we r women, we hang on, even to our despair and hurt). As for other pair, the ones meeting under the blessing of mom dad…. As soon as the girl and her family bid good bye and went their way, the mother started badgering him: “So so, wot do u think? Do u like her?” And the guy, who was yacking away with the girl earlier on, lost his composure. He couldn’t reply, was sweating profusely in the winter, drinking water, and he finally ran off to the loo. And yes we were smiling and staring at him, and giving him the “we know what is happening here, so what do u think of the girl?” devilish grins and nods.  

On a different note, I finally met one of those old school mates. The three of us planned and planned a perfect meet-up, but as usual- that plan fell through, and the random last moment meet-up happened instead with only one of them. A weird meeting because when I was leaving the workplace to meet him, I had no inkling what he looked like now, like after 14 years, he probably was thinking the same; but he looked the same. And he said that I looked the same as well. But we did grow up. He gave me mumps in class 8, so naturally I was at his throat now. And he felt that I seem to have finally outgrown the yesteryears’ quite and sweet girl shell, and I was now a banshee. And so answering the “where is your Mr.Right” question and explaining how the world is full of Mr. Wrong ones, and I have had my fair share instead was difficult. So there you go, I was asked the same question twice that day!  Just before this meet-up, the new lady boss was asking the very question, being very nosy, and getting all chummy and buddy, which was scary. I have kept the debris of my personal life away from the workplace. Yet it seems, some of them know and want to pry……I dunoow what’s happening…life is only full of question marks….your own and the others. It’s also full of some other marks %$$$##@@@. A friend’s attempt to introduce and set me up with someone turned out to be a fiasco. In these alleged setups, the guys asking other friends to set them up with some girl also seem to think that the girl is some sort of despo… isn’t this ironic.   

Chocolate Orgies and Root Canals

When one indulges in chocolate orgies; one has to pay the price; sometimes it’s the butt or the tummy or in my case, it’s the teethos….or toothos…..ouch….yups I am all set for another root canal. Huffooooo…..oh well life doesn’t afford us many indulgences, even when one is willing to pay a price, so having those exotic chocolates in those dark and dreary winter nights, when my mind was numb from the low blood sugar….the orgy was worth it. This devil’s food is allegedly and supposedly akin to be at par with the big ‘o’. Since this being of light doesn’t go ‘there’, I guess it would be suffice to say that I like my chocolate dark and bitter….just like my life….and unlike my men (who are supposed to be raining out of the sky for quite sometimes – horroscopically speaking [they always v been, even during those depressing called off weddings and engagements]– sorry girls….I am guilty of reading them horoscopies again, and it’s always ranining men for me, according to them……).