Life’s Paradigms

I am sitting here today and contemplating the shape of things to come on the work front, all the changes, the workload; diverse people to deal with, diverse responsibilities (a portion of them are not even mine), politics, donkey’s work, the favors, avoidances, tact, and diplomacy. The work isn’t tiring; it’s the worries and the nag nag associated with it. It isn’t a means to an end approach. You do your work; you get paid for it. It’s the whole drama and politics, those weird changes. Values don’t have much place in the corporate culture, work ethics won’t save you from trouble, they just keep your conscience satisfied. Why do we have to work? Is work serving us or are we serving work? Thus, for the past few days, I have been contemplating on these issues and wondering why life has turned into a monotonic repetitive pattern. I am learning to detach myself from many things that rule my life; work, friends, family, because one tends to get dependent upon them, and when these relationships become unstable; then we become unstable, as we have ended up dedicating so much to these relationships; by giving them a priority over other things, by sacrificing our health, our peace of mind, our hobbies, our personal time to them. Until I read 7 habits of highly Effective People, I hadn’t realized this process and the need of discovering our paradigms and adjusting them. Analyzing from my past trends, I realized that every time my work routine, my relationship with my friends and family got affected, I began experiencing the inner turmoil.  And hence, I am beginning to work towards making my paradigm principle-based. So that these frequent changes, the rapid fall outs shouldn’t affect me so much.   Talking about people from the past, 2 of my school mates surfaced just out the blue. So talking to them like after 12 yrs was weird. Yet I am the one feeling that weirdness, of being able to relate to them one moment, of feeling a familiarity and then nothing much the other moment. I tried to subject both of them to the disinterest that I usually show to people who surface after a while but wasn’t able to do so. They were far too determined to hunt me down and know my whereabouts. As for the umpteen facebook add-on requests from people who haven’t gotten in touch since 5 years, I clicked the ‘select’ and ‘delete’ buttons. I have blocked a few addresses even in between. Sigh! Relationships don’t mean filling and cluttering your life with people but nurturing it with those few who matter – at least for now.

Ordinary days of an Ordinary Life Existing in Unusual Times~

 

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.  ~Jennifer Yane

 

Reaching the office in rain is an unusual practice, but the city looked different today – an hazy image like the picture in my mind and my life. I shook my rain droplets out of my hair and shawl after reaching in my room, put out on a Michael Buble track, and brewed some green tea. I was expecting to have a peaceful and quite day, yet as usual that was too much of an expectation….too many people, too many interruptions, too many requests. Shhesshhh some people have forgotten how to enjoy a simple rainy day and then don’t allow others to do the same. Crazy people….my resentment somehow for small talk keeps escalating, which is dangerous if I want to continue working. Ya work….  There is work, but I don’t feel like doing it. It seems like an ever escalating mountain, which keeps piling up high. Sometimes I use work as an escape from life’s unresolved confusions, sometimes I use work as an escape for people who demand physical and metal attention, sometimes I use work as an excuse for not writing. Many a times, I open up this blog page and stare at it, having a gazillion thoughts in mind but not knowing how to pen them. I have to do something for my motivation level I guess.

 

My horror-scope in the last month of the last year promised many things it failed (yet again) to deliver, yet two prophecies (for once) became true; people from my past came to visit, political turmoil was experienced. Both turned out to be true and both turned out to be unpleasant. The political turmoil dragged me into the deepest pit of despair. Violence somehow has always deeply disturbed and affected me. Come to think of it my first ever published work at the age of 7 was about ethnic violence. Even though at that time, I was far far removed from it. Now it’s a reality one ncat escape, its there in formt of you, on the road, on tv, on the newspaper. Are human beings violent and perverted by nature? So this was my new year eve, working late nitght, dreading the unknown…..

 

As for visitations from the past. People sure do come and go from our lives as they wish. There was a time, the existence and re emergence of people from the past seemed like a validation of one’s present that you indeed exist, have had existed. Now, these re emergences throw you out of balance. They want to renew ties, to pick up right from where they left, which isn’t possible. And then catching up with our lives, receiving updates and giving them, seem like an exercise, a compulsion. But there is so much in life, which seems at this point in life as compulsion. And so much effort is required in fighting and overcoming this feeling and not giving in to baser moods.