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Winter Tales
Life has become a quagmire of deadlines and commitments. And I lost some data too due to a freaky combination of short keys. It’s just that I want to be some what dreamy and laid back in the winters. This season does this to me. My body’s thermostat gets set on the hibernate mode. And some how I feel more cold than the others. If you would have a look at me, you would probably start feeling cold yourself, or at least would begin to imagine yourself in Antarctica. And don’t ever try to commit the mistake of shaking hands with me in winters! My frozen paws can chill any friendly emotions that you would have. So would the toes. Except that I insist on wearing socks…in all bright colors…red, mauve, black, grey….now I want to buy an orange pair. Hmmm. The weather has been awesome these days….partly cloudy, partly sunny. The breeze is just right…cold but not severely cold. Winter might be over for others, but not for me! I don’t want to part with my woolies or my blanky. They make me feel safe. The blankey makes it very hard for me to leave my bed in the morning for work. But alas, the deadlines! I was ill for almost 15 days with a severely swollen jaw and then on and off bouts of flu. Had to have a root canal done, 2 other expensive dental procedures are inline. And the best thing is that I don’t even have sweets. Except for post-dinner chocolates. Gosh they are…hmmmm Orgasmic….yumm….
Had been in a weird mood lately. Had one too many weird dreams. Somewhat scared, somewhat irritable, somewhat quiet, somewhat panicky. And one does learn to keep things to oneself in those phases. Because people don’t understand much about them and would keep on bulldozing you down and around. Some times it better to keep what is in your mind to yourself.
What else? Na na nothing…..the blankey beckons……let this entry end on a light hearted note – for once.

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Reinventing Myself
Yes I have been away. Had gone to reinvent myself! That’s what you can do when the malaise and the rut of life starts gnawing at you! You reinvent your ideas, notions, visions, values. You bring an outward change and hope that it transforms something within as well. Make you better and less vulnerable and desensitized in some ways. So on my way to my reinvention spree, I got a new hair cut on my high priestess S’s recommendation, and I dared myself to get a hair color treatment as well. Something that the old me abhor to have done, just because I used to believe in originality. I no longer do. There is nothing original about anything except pain…that’s primeval, a pre-condition of being. Coming back to the hair, I didn’t want to part with the length as well, thus the options of experimentation were limited. I also don’t want to become a replica of every wannabe blond aunty on the street (I hope I am not!). Gladly, thanks to my hairdresser, I found a solution that was just right. I ended up with auburn and mahogany highlights in my curly hair with a side parting. They look good but are on their annual shedding cycle. You can’t have the winning deal always. Tell me about it.
Upon other things, I got hold of a lap top as well, giving up the old one so my brother can embark on intergalactic battles between forces of evil and good or surf porn (if that’s what he wants!).
This week, I also bid farewell to the oldest and on-off-best friend of mine. She had gone to a different time zone and hemisphere on a scholarship. A time away from all of the things that binds her and bound her, that bring her up and bring her down. Time to wipe the slate clean and start again. She is supposed to be back in one year but my intuition tells me otherwise. We somehow are not supposed to meet after one year, something I did shared with her and got even more tears. People are to go away, they are to leave. They might come back, they might not. Who can say for sure! There are friends who are there; but I can sense a change in them. I might have been once but no longer am in the list of their priorities. They are busy in the festivities of their new lives, their new commitments. Too busy to get in touch…? It’s ok! Doesn’t matter….and I say this with not much betterment.
And no I don’t have any resolutions for this so-called new year. I don’t live by delineation of days in calendar; I live by my own heart beat. And when I am not moping, I do thank god! Though I haven’t gained anything! My insecurities, my fears and aches still glisten on my soul, just like the forlorn tears bedded in my curls. But I haven’t lost anything either…besides a few people who have finally proven themselves to be insignificant any ways. I still have the roof on my head and the ground under my feet. I still have my physical strength. Thus, sometimes not losing anything is actually a gain in itself, won’t you agree? And so this very moment, I feel blessed!